In Defence of Muppet Souls
A Christmas Rebuttal Nobody Asked For But You're 100% Getting
Every now and then, the internet produces a joke so stupid that it stops being funny and becomes spiritually unacceptable.
Recently, someone posted (clearly in jest) that A Muppet Christmas Carol is sad because even though Scrooge redeems himself, the Muppets don’t have souls so they all still go to hell.
Now.
Yes.
Obviously this was a joke. However, I am a Ghost Geek, a lifelong Muppet defender, and a person with both time and principles, so unfortunately I am going to have to respond.
I would like to state for the record that I do not believe in ghosts, souls, or hell, and I do not believe that felt puppets are being judged in the afterlife. I am, generally speaking, very boring about these things.
However.
I do believe in the Muppets and I know, in my heart, that they believe in me, too. So, today I am prepared to abandon reason in defence of Kermit the Frog and if you’ve got a problem with that, I will fight you with my fists.
There Are Literally Ghost Muppets in This Film
Let’s start with the most obvious problem with this take.
There are ghosts. In the film.
Marley and Marley are:
Dead (to begin with) ✔️
Condemned by their earthly sins ✔️
Bound in (singing?) chains ✔️
Appearing to Scrooge as spectral apparitions ✔️
Muppets ✔️✔️✔️
If Muppets do not have souls, I would love someone to explain to me (as someone who knows a thing or two about ghosts) what the hell Marley and Marley are doing.
They are not metaphors, imagined projections of Scrooge’s guilt or general puppet-y vibes. There is not more of gravy than of grave about them.
They rattle chains. They warn of eternal consequences. They sing a song about damnation.
These are ghost Muppets.
And once you accept that ghost Muppets exist, you are already on a slippery felt-covered slope.
The Ghosts of Christmas Are Also Muppets, Actually
If Marley and Marley aren’t enough for you, let’s continue.
The Ghost of Christmas Past is:
A glowing, uncanny being
Existing outside linear time
Emotionally devastating
The Ghost of Christmas Present is:
A godlike embodiment of abundance
All-seeing
Judging Scrooge’s actions in real time
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is:
Literally death
Literally haunting
A silent spectre
The physical manifestation of consequence
All of them are what? Muppets. They’re Muppet souls.
So if Muppets do not have souls, then what you are proposing is not a moral fable but a surreal horror film in which a human man is psychologically tortured by soulless fabric entities performing theology at him.
Which is not - and I cannot stress this enough - the tone of A Muppet Christmas Carol. Or physically possible. I also know being haunted isn’t- look. Don’t try me.
Gonzo Is Charles Dickens and I Will Not Debate This
Gonzo is the narrator.
Gonzo is Charles Dickens.
Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol.
These are facts.
If Gonzo does not have a soul, then neither does Charles Dickens, and I am not prepared to make that claim in public, especially at Christmas.
Also, Gonzo/Charles Dickens, demonstrates moral insight, empathy, compassion, joy, and narrative authority. He literally steps out of the story to remind us of its meaning. He guides us on this moral journey when most of us are children or adults reliving our childhoods - at our most vulnerable.
That is not the behaviour of a damned entity. This is not the actions of a being without a soul. That is the behaviour of a being with a very specific ethical mission and a fondness for Rizzo the Rat (I love you, Rizzo, if you’re reading this).
Redemption Requires Moral Interior Life
Here’s where I briefly attempt to regain my rational footing.
Scrooge’s redemption only works if the world around him is morally real.
The Muppets suffer under his cruelty, respond emotionally to his change and, most importantly, they forgive him and welcome him back into community.
Forgiveness is not a mechanical process. It requires interiority and the recognition of harm. A being without a soul cannot forgive you. At best, it can be programmed to accept you. Also, if your reading of this film is that Bob Cratchit is essentially an animatronic forgiveness dispenser, then I don’t know what to tell you except that you are watching it wrong and it is you, Sir, you who have no soul.
Kermit the Frog Is the Moral Centre of the Universe
I am not going to justify this. I am simply stating it.
And Maybe That’s the Point
The ghosts don’t appear to prove the existence of an afterlife, or to map out the mechanics of damnation. They come to remind Michael Caine Scrooge and us - of something simpler and harder: that mankind is our business. That kindness, generosity, and care for one another are not optional extras, but the point of the whole exercise.
The Ghost of Christmas Past shows us what once was, not to trap us there, but to help us understand what is. The Ghost of Christmas Present invites us in - come in and know me better - and insists that this is the season of the heart. Even the silent figure of Christmas Yet to Come offers not certainty, but possibility: are these the shadows of things that must be, or only of things that may be?
And the Muppets understand this instinctively. Yes I know they’re not alive but stick with me here.
They remind us that redemption is possible, that warmth matters and how the joy we bring to others is the joy we have ourselves. That being blind to human kindness is the real tragedy - not some imagined metaphysical punishment waiting at the end of the road.
So while I don’t believe in souls in the literal sense - if a soul is the thing that lets a story teach us how to be better, change, forgive, and keep Christmas well - then the Muppets have them in abundance.
And honestly, if Christmas has room for ghosts, it definitely has room for them.
Thank you for this excellent explication of Muppet souls! I have one small change to offer up - Camilla asked me to let you know that the character Gonzo plays should be known as Charles Chickens, and she thanks you for your attention to this matter.